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The practice of family law can be extremely difficult. When
couples are involved in the divorce process they are experiencing
the worst crisis of their lives. Over my 30 years in practice, I
have successfully led my clients through this crisis. It is
extremely rewarding to
see my clients complete the process and successfully begin the
next chapter of their lives. This occurs in most cases.
All that said, the most difficult cases are those that involve a
dispute over the parenting of children. (Most jurisdictions,
including Illinois, have eliminated the term custody and replaced
it with the allocation of parenting time and parenting
responsibilities.) These cases are problematic and challenging
because the children are often placed in the middle, and as a
result have a far greater chance of emotional harm.
The worst parenting disputes occur when one parent attempts to
turn a child against the other parent in an effort to destroy the
present and future relationship between the child and the other
parent. This is referred to as parental alienation. It is a process
of manipulation of children by one parent that causes the children
to fear and disrespect, without true basis, the other parent. If
this form of psychological abuse of children is successful it can
result in long-term, and sometimes permanent, estrangement of a
child from one parent.
It is tragic enough to have to grieve the loss of the marital
relationship, but far worse to also lose the relationship with your
child or children and to know the damage this causes your
child.
Why does parental alienation occur? In most cases, the parent
wishing to alienate the other parent uses this as one of their
tools of manipulation by accusing the other parent of abusive
behavior. Courts wish to protect children at all costs and this can
result in an order removing a parent from the home and
substantially restricting their parenting time. This gives the
parent attempting to alienate the opportunity to further manipulate
the child.
Thankfully over the last 30 years, courts have become more aware
of parental alienation, which provides the opportunity to defend
against the attacks from the parent attempting to alienate the
other.
Despite the fact that parental alienation and the resulting
child condition of parental alienation syndrome have become an
acknowledged circumstance recognized by the Courts, it is rare to
find the phrase "Parental alienation" or a specific
definition in any statute. There are statutes that protect a
parent's rights with their children and address abuses of those
rights by the other parent. There is a substantial amount of case
law in which the courts have removed the children from the parent
committing parental alienation and placed them with the other
parent. These cases also restrict the parenting time of the abusing
parent with the children, which may include supervision of the
abusive parent's parenting time.
In addition to the statutes that protect parent's rights,
there are statutes that provide for the use of other attorneys and
professionals to help protect children during the divorce process.
The Court may appoint an attorney to represent the children, either
as a Child Representative or as a Guardian Ad Litem (GAL).
Attorneys appointed in this role have been trained to protect and
speak for the interests of the children. They speak for the
children and not the parents. Experts, such as child psychologists,
can also be appointed by the Court to assist the Court in it's
determination of the best interests of the children and whether the
actions of either parent are harming the children. Either party may
also retain independent experts, such as psychologists, to provide
their expertise to the process.
The best defense to avoid parental alienation is to address it
immediately. You must consult your attorney as soon as you suspect
the other parent may be manipulating the children against you. This
will give you the best opportunity to ensure your children are not
harmed by their other parent's efforts to alienate you.
In closing, divorce can cause erratic behavior that might not
otherwise occur, but which stems from resentment, bitterness, and
anger toward the soon-to-be ex spouse. Unfortunately, that behavior
might include parental alienation, which not only causes further
heartache to the divorcing couple, but which leads to unspeakable
damage to the couples' most valuable assets: their
children.
The content of this article is intended to provide a general
guide to the subject matter. Specialist advice should be sought
about your specific circumstances.
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